Читать «Англия и Англия» онлайн - страница 27
Дорис Лессинг
'If you don't throw a good penny after a bad one, said Charlie judiciously, 'I mean, what's the point?
'Yes, that's it, said the woman excitedly, her old face animated. 'That's what I say to father, what's the point if you don't sometimes let yourself go?
'I mean, life's bad enough as it is, said Charlie, watching the magazine slowly lower itself. It was laid precisely on the seat. The girl now sat, two small brown-gloved hands in a ginger-tweeded lap, staring him out. Her blue eyes glinted into his, and he looked quickly away.
'Well, I can see that right enough, said the man, 'but there again, you've got to know where to stop.
'That's right, said Charlie, 'you're dead right.
'I know it's all right for some, said the man, 'I know that, but if you're going to do that, you've got to consider. That's what I think.
But father, you know you enjoy it, once you're there and Joyce has settled you in your own corner with your own chair and your cup to yourself
Ah, said the man, nodding heavily, 'but it's not as easy as that, now, is it? Well, I mean, that stands to reason.
Ah, said Charlie, shaking his head, feeling it roll heavily in the socket of his neck, 'but if you're going to consider at all, then what's the point? I mean, what I think is, for a start-off, there's no doubt about it.
The woman hesitated, started to say something, but let her small bright eyes falter away. She was beginning to colour.
Charlie went on compulsively, his head turning like a clockwork man's: 'It's what you're used to, that's what I say, well I mean.
'Stop it, said the girl, in a sharp high voice.
'It's a question of principle, said Charlie, but his head had stopped rolling and his eyes had focused.
'If you don't stop I'm going to call the guard and have you put in another compartment, said the girl. To the old people she said in a righteous scandalized voice: 'Can't you see he's laughing at you? Can't you see? She lifted the magazine again.
The old people looked suspiciously at Charlie, dubiously at each other. The woman's face was very pink and her eyes bright and hot.
'I think I'm going to get forty winks, said the man, with general hostility. He settled his feet, put his head back, and closed his eyes.
Charlie said: 'Excuse me, and scrambled his way to the corridor over the legs of the man, then the legs of the woman, muttering: 'Excuse me, excuse me, I'm sorry.
He stood in the corridor, his back jolting slightly against the shifting wood of the compartment's sides. His eyes were shut, his tears running. Words, no longer articulate, muttered and jumbled somewhere inside him, a stream of frightened protesting phrases.
Wood slid against wood close to his ear, and he heard the softness of clothed flesh on wood.
'If it's that bloody little bint I'll kill her, said a voice, small and quiet, from his diaphragm.