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Дорис Лессинг

The fusion of the two voices, the nagging inside voice, and the jeer from the dangerous force outside, terrified Charlie, and he told himself hastily: 'You're drunk, that's all, now keep your mouth shut, for God's sake.

The woman was asking him: Are you feeling all right?

'Yes, I'm all right, he said carefully.

'Going all the way to London?

'Yes, I'm going all the way to London.

'It's a long drag.

'Yes, it's a long drag.

At this echoing dialogue, the girl lowered her magazine to give him a sharp contemptuous look, up and down. Her face was now smoothly pink, and her small pink mouth was judging.

'You have a mouth like a rosebud, said Charlie, listening horrified to these words emerging from him.

The girl jerked up the magazine. The man looked sharply at Char lie, to see if he had heard aright, and then at his wife, for guidance. The wife looked doubtfully at Charlie, who offered her a slow desperate wink. She accepted it, and nodded at her husband: boys will be boys. They both glanced warily at the shining face of the magazine.

'We're on our way to London too, said the woman.

'So you're on your way to London.

Stop it, he told himself. He felt a foolish slack grin on his face, and his tongue was thickening in his mouth. He shut his eyes, trying to summon Charlie to his aid, but his stomach was rolling, warm and sick. He lit a cigarette for support, watching his hands at work. 'Lily-handed son of learning wants a manicure badly, commented a soft voice in his ear; and he saw the cigarette poised in a parody of a cad's gesture between displayed nicotined fingers. Charlie, smoking with poise, sat preserving a polite, sarcastic smile.

He was in the grip of terror. He was afraid he might slide off the seat. He could no longer help himself.

'London's a big place, for strangers, said the woman.

'But it makes a nice change, said Charlie, trying hard.

The woman, delighted that a real conversation was at last under way, settled her shabby old head against a leather bulge, and said: 'Yes, it does make a nice change. The shine on the leather confused Charlie's eyes; he glanced over at the magazine, but its glitter, too, seemed to invade his pupils. He looked at the dirty floor, and said: 'It's good for people to get a change now and then.

'Yes, that's what I tell my husband, don't I, father? It's good for us to get away, now and then. We have a married daughter in Streatham.

'It's a great thing, family ties.

'Yes, but it's a drag, said the man. 'Say what you like, but it is. After all, I mean, when all is said and done. He paused, his head on one side, with a debating look, waiting for Charlie to take it up.

Charlie said: 'There's no denying it, say what you like, I mean, there's no doubt about that. And he looked interestedly at the man for his reply.

The woman said: 'Yes, but the way I look at it, you've got to get out of yourself sometimes, look at it that way.

'It's all very well, said the husband, on a satisfied but grumbling note, 'but if you're going to do that, well, for a start-off, it's an expense.