Читать «Infinite jest» онлайн - страница 966

‘Except I don’t ever remember you explaining why a sociology teacher weaving his way from his fourth bar to his fifth bar is important enough for four guys from some you-never-mentioned-what kind of conspiracy to be pulling this real complex surveillance thing.’

‘…’

‘Except I was interrupting your point you were sharing, I know, and I’m sorry.’

‘Your basic decency is why you’re whom I bring my thoughts to, Don. You know that.’

‘That makes me feel good Day man.’

‘I mean to whom else might I speak? The girl who takes her eye out and fondles it? Poor Ewell with his obsessive tattoo charts? Lenz^

‘It makes me feel good you think I’m decent to talk to. That’s supposed to be why I’m here. I sure needed to talk, at the start. Can you remember where you were headed before I broke i — interrupted?’

‘Something this broken Ivy Leaguer said, some AA sally. He said that only one newcomer in a million actually trudges into an Alcoholics Anonymous Closed Meeting and in fact doesn’t belong there.’

‘Meaning doesn’t turn out to have the Disease you mean.’

‘Yes. And that he said that quote if You — looking right at yours truly, seemingly, with that wearily amused patient expression you all must practice in front of the mirror — he said that only one newcomer in a million doesn’t belong here, and if quote You think You’re that one-in-a-million, You definitely belong here. And everyone howled with mirth, stomped their feet and blew coffee through their noses and wiped their eyes with the backs of their hands and elbowed each other. Howled with mirth.’

‘But you were, like, unsmiling at it.’

‘And everyone labels as Denial or ingratitude what’s actually horror, Don. The horror of acknowledging that you do apparently have some sort of problem with mild sedatives and fine Chianti, and wanting with all sincerity to give every fair chance to a treatment-modality which millions swear up and down has helped them with their own problem.’

‘You’re talking about AA.’

‘To want very much to believe in it, and to try, and then to your horror find the Program riddled with these obvious and idiotic fallacies and reductia ad absurdum which —’

Tm going to need to ask you to try and say that again in words I can follow, Geoffrey, if you want me to be right there alongside with you. And I’m sorry if that seems descending.’

‘Don, I am sincere when I say I’m frightened when I find that there are things about this allegedly miraculous Program’s doctrine that simply do not follow. That do not cohere. That do not make anything resembling rational sense.’

‘I’m with you on that one now, brother.’

‘Tonight’s example of the one-in-a-million, say. Don, let me ask you, Don. In all earnest. Why shouldn’t every human being in the world be in AA?’

‘Now I’m not with you anymore again, Geoffrey.’

‘Don, why doesn’t every featherless biped on earth qualify for AA? By AA’s reasoning, why isn’t everyone everywhere an alcoholic?’