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Paddy: Seven!

Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Tester: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Paddy: Six.

Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home!

* * *

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK.

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances.

This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.

Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life.

If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends.

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive so I’m headed for the bar anyway… it never hurts to be safe.

* * *

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office boss called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, “Miss Smith, I really don’t know how we’re going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we’re going to try.”

* * *

In the beginning God created heaven and the earth. Quickly He was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why He began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that He just liked to be creative.

Then God said, “Let there be light.” Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that He would obtain a building permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half the time. God agreed and said He would call the light “Day” and the darkness “Night.” Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, “Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed.” The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, “Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth.” Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.